A little late night delirium

6 weeks left in this country, and I'm wondering about the future.. and other things. I wonder if I've changed. I wonder where I'll go and what I'll do. I wonder if I'll find an income when I get back. I wonder if my kids at the foster home are over their chicken pox. The wonderings go deeper, but for those you'll just have to wonder for yourself.

He is the answer you are looking for

I'd love to say that I was searching for God when He found me, but the truth would tell you that I was whining. I wanted God to rescue me from a flood that was assaulting my life, and if He wasn't going to do that, I was going to run from it. Inconvenient reality of living in China: you can't run far when you're broke and the most complicated sentence you can form is "Please give us one big bottle Sprite."

You might guess that (more out of sheer impossibility than good judgment) I decided not to run. But I was still staring up at those treacherous clouds with, we'll just say, a bad attitude. Rain sucks, mud sucks, life sucks.. you get the picture.

Then 2 days ago, even though I had done nothing to warrant the gift, He gave me peace I almost forgot was possible. God came down and slipped some solid ground under my feet. Turns out that's all I actually needed.

The thing about solid ground is that rain is still assaults it, and the wind continues to blow over it. But it provides a foothold. A quiet, steady assurance that I really DO believe what I believe and my striving is not in vain. When I've completed what I've been designed to do, I will become a shining display of glory.

In the words of Job:
"But if I go to the East, He is not there;
if I go to the West, I do not find Him.
When He turns to the South, I catch no glimpse of Him.
But He knows the way that I take;
When He was tested me, I will come forth as gold." (Job 23:8-10)

You know, if I had just stopped staring up into that pouring rain with wide, angry eyes, it wouldn't have hurt so much. Even amidst the worst troubles, there is a place you can look to ease the pain. And it isn't where you're prone to look.

Love, in exchange for being forgotten.

I've been trying to think of how to describe what I am thinking, but it keeps coming out wrong.

 

It's a crazy kind of love, to love an orphan. You pour your heart out to a child with no family; no dad to carry them on their back and no mom to read them bedtime stories or kiss their forehead when they're sick. You hold them when they're 2 months old, with such tiny hands they barely fit around your finger. You watch for their first smile, listen for their first word. You nervously prop them up to sit, lure them toward something shiny when they learn to crawl, and hold their hand while they learn to walk. You chase them and sing to them and read to them and make funny faces at them. You know where they are ticklish and which toy is their favorite. You start to love them like you would your own.

 

Then, just as it should be, they get to go home. And just as it should be, you feel like a piece of your heart leaves with them. Someone else will pick up where you left off and love them for the rest of their life. 

 

The hardest and greatest part is that they'll never know you existed.

My apartment: the ultimate April Fools

So as you know, today is April first.. a day notorious for practical jokes ranging from the innocent "Hey! Your shoe's untied!" to the somewhat more intense "fly hundreds of tires into a dormant volcano and light them on fire so everyone thinks it is erupting and flee in panic." True story, by the way.

I managed to go through the day without falling victim to any major pranks, seeing as how many of the Chinese don't know about or participate in the festivities. I did, however, enlighten my students about the importance of the day and practiced some easy-to-do tricks with them so they wouldn't miss out.

The day ends without major incident.. that is, until my roommate steps out of our room to find a little surprise. Apparently, our shower (which as you might have heard, has NO stall or curtain and drains directly in the floor) overflowed under the bathroom door and proceeded to form a 2 foot-wide river traveling through the living room, under our couch, and across into a few inches of our bedroom. Luckily, it just missed the surge protector attached to ALL of our computers. We spent the next 20 minutes mopping, squeegying, and towel-drying. And singing "I've got a river of life flowing out of me."

Oh, China.

The Pharmacy

I'm thinking healthy thoughts at the moment. According to one of my students, if you think you're not sick, then you won't be.. so I'm trying it out. That, along with some Chinese antibiotics I picked up (without a prescription) from the local pharmacy. That was an interesting experience.. I went by myself, which I never thought I would do 2 months ago and handed the guy a paper with the drug on it and explained that I needed it. He asked me some questions I couldn't understand.. I told him I didn't understand. He proceeded to pull out 2 boxes with 2 different types of pills that are apparently the same drug, just different forms (and in case you're worried, the drug name was on the box in English). I buy the cheaper one, and then he tries to explain the dosage. I understand him, but he can't understand me telling him that I understand. So he just keeps explaining. And I keep telling him I understand until he finally writes it down (in Chinese characters, of course), which I explain that I cannot read. Finally, I ended up just telling him I would ask my friend. The 3 older ladies who were there at the same time were definitely talking about and laughing at me. I heard them saying something about English.. I was probably their entertainment for the morning. It's become so common that I just figure they can enjoy a good laugh and it doesn't even bother me anymore :) It definitely has given me a great perspective on foreigners in America. I don't think I would be half as patient with someone walking into my store.. if I had one.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Dear Sinus Infection:

I don't like you. You can go back where you came from. Thanks.

BB

China Miniature-Oven Cooking Adventures, part 1: Granola

It costs almost $10 for a bag of good granola in this country, so I've decided to try to make it myself. The only problem is, I can't read the label on some of what I'm using and my oven is the size of my hand. Although my hands are quite man-sized, it still makes my oven ridiculously small. My first attempt was not an absolute failure, but it was not quite worthy of eating. I have tweaked my method, and my second batch is cooking as I type. After living here for 2 months, I'm starting my baking adventures today! Stay tuned- if this one works out, I'll move on to snickerdoodles :)