Saturday, May 21, 2011

In a Week or Two

Everything could change in a matter of weeks.  Rumor has it, my post-August employment situation is looking pretty grim.  We should find out soon how (or if) government funds will trickle down to our program.  It is a bit discouraging to face unemployment after being hired only a few months, but it would make the decision to relocate much easier.  If we keep our contract and I stay, I will have to live alone in this already lonely city. Either way, I will be moving out of my apartment soon.

I find out about the Forge in a couple of weeks. If I am offered the one open position that's left, I still have to decide whether or not I will accept.  Strangely enough, I am not worried. I'll just wait patiently for once and save the freaking out for if they accept me!  I am not entirely sure I would accept their offer, because of my financial situation, but I can't even imagine the depths that I will grow if I am granted this opportunity.  However, that's not for me to know right now.

Then, there's China. Oh, China. How I miss thee! Rickety bicycles and cheap vegetables and language-barrier-enhanced adventures. Even the smell. I drove by a pile of burning trash today and felt ridiculously nostalgic. I always have in the back of my mind the idea that I could go back and teach English for a few years. Do some traveling this time, too.  But if that is for now (or ever), I just don't know.

Those of you who envy my freedom, I have one thing to say to you. You have NO idea how scary it is. So many options! I could do anything I want. What do you do with endless possibilities and nothing to hold you back? How do you figure out what YOU want to do? Most (normal) people have responsibilities to consider, like a husband or kids, someone to take care of.  I don't have to do what's best for anyone but myself. But I don't know what's best for myself.  After High School, the socially acceptable (and NOT optional!) choice was college. Choosing a school was easy- I picked the first one I visited. It helped that my best friend chose it first. And I got a scholarship. See?  Easy.  Then, there was China. That one just sorta happened.  And even when I got back, I ended up here because of my sister. 

"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.'" Isaiah 30:21

I'm ending on that note, because I know that I can do nothing more than I have already done.  Now I just sit and wait a while, and hope that no matter what happens, God will be glorified in me.

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