Friday, January 29, 2010

What to say..

It's been a while and I am just now able to get on my blog. So, here I am. You know those moments when your brain is so full that you can't possibly get it all out so you don't even know how to start? Ya this is one of those times. Life here is just.. different. I don't have generalities to give because I haven't wrapped my mind around it all yet. It isn't good, bad, easy, difficult.. It just is.

Something I have realized here is that you can't escape, no matter how far you go. Escape was not and is not my purpose, but I think I did come here with the expectation that some of my unresolved issues would just push themselves under a rug because I'm doing a "good thing" here. But that's not exactly the case. Doubts, fears, insecurities, expectations- they follow you (in this case, me) wherever you (I) go. It's just one more way that I'm being shown that my heart is so much more important than my feet. If I'm not pursuing the truth, I might as well just go home.

Don't misunderstand my heart. I am so glad to be here, and there are amazing things going on all around me (and in me, as well). I can't wait to see more. I just feel like right now, I am being shown that no matter where I am, all of me comes. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

On a more random note.. I need open heart surgery, and all I ever dare to ask for is a smiley-faced bandaid. What's up with that?


  1. Stay warm in my country there ^_^ I kind of understand your feeling but not why you feel that. Everyone suppose to have something deep in their hear that... (not that easy to describe it with my poor Englih. But...) Just let you know I am always there for you! Miss you~

  2. Just wanted to let you know I enjoy reading your posts so far. Keeping you in my prayers that all goes well for you.